I was stuck in a waiting room recently, and had the misfortune of reading a "Women's Day" magazine. The editorial blurb went something like this: "It's summer! Take some time for yourself. Make that fish recipe you've been wanting to try; take up knitting; buy some new closet fixtures." Good God.
So then I started thinking about all the things women's magazines never tell us to do. Here's my top 10 list:
10. It's summer! Time to join the FBI so you can spy on your neighbors without probable cause (Hurry, before the Patriot Act expires!)
9. Nothing to do? Why not illegally download an old Disney movie? (Seriously; those films should be in the public domain already).
8. Tired of the same old same old? Experiment with Lesbian sex (You won't know until you try it).
Okay, that's as far as I've gotten. But I'm going to keep adding to this. Did I mention I'm irked?
8 comments:
7. Did you know: you can sleep until noon? Let your family make their own breakfast.
6. The Raw Foods Movement is a busy mother's best friend.
5. Bored? Try screaming like a banshee on a tree branch in your local park.
I do hate when these things turn into consumerism advocation. I was reading some thing recently about how older women shouldn't be afraid of skirts due to veins and it turned out to be an article about how much it costs to have a dermatologist do some work on you costing only, say, $300 or $400!
Ack. And don't you love how drug commercials masquerade as public service announcements?
4. Worried about fecal matter in your fresh produce? Try Little Debbie snack cakes: no natural ingredients - guaranteed!
I pal around with the skeletons in my closet. Now, instead of reaching for one of those ragazines, I'm distracted by some healthy sinning.
How are you, mi amiga, Laura? Where have you been? I've missed you. Hope you're well.
love,
brenda
Hey, Brenda,
I have been away at a crazy library school bootcamp. Argh! I am like a piece of grizzle: well-chewed and spit back on the plate. I've missed you, too, and Wild, and writing poetry. Oh, and did I mention I also just started working full-time? So I'm trying to find my way back...
Love,
Laura
Dear Laura, Library bootcamp? Oh my god, does that mean you have to walk around with books balanced on your head all day? My son is a librarian but I don't think he's been to bootcamp.
Good luck with your new job. I'm very happy for you.
You'll be back to poetry just as soon as you remove the books from your head. They might be good for good posture but writing is almost impossible when books are falling off your head and into in your lap.
love,
brenda
Hi Brenda,
I think you're right. I need my c-curve, head-tuck posture to really write.
3. PMS got you down? Feeling irritable, aggressive, dissatisfied with your lot? Try trepanation! Let those demons out.
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