Alec Kolodny Gets a New 'Do

When I was 8 years old, my mother brought home a bizarre and slightly grotesque terra cotta planter. Basically a hollowed out sculpture of a human head, my mother claimed it was the spitting image of an old, beloved neighbor from the Burlington neighborhood of her childhood. From that moment on, the planter--and the series of plants it came to hold--was known as Alec Kolodny. A large nose, protruding ears, a charming mole on the left cheek. We loved Alec Kolodny.

If I remember correctly, Mr. Kolodny's first hairdo was a Boston Fern; very loose and frondy, it gave off a rasta vibe. Every year or so he'd get a full hair transplant-- one year sedge, one year a jade plant, one year spiked aloe (now that was strange).

When I went home a few months ago to visit my parents, I was happy to see Alec Kolodny in his usual place on the windowsill in the living room. But I was shocked to see that his lustrous, live tendrils had been replaced by not-so-subtle silk. All I could think was, poor Mr. Kolodny. No more hair-club-for-men; it's a fake ficus toupe from here on out.